Um, I'm not sure if you're a chronic wanker or a bad speller, but my advice is pretty much the same either way.

If you're a musterbator, that means that you make impossible, or at least unnecessary demands on yourself...i.e. I MUST make get 100% on every exam, I MUST do everything right, I MUST be perfect at all times etc. If this is you, then stop being a musterbator and start being a masturbator. It's much less stressful, and much more fun and healthy!

If you are a masturbator, then be proud! There ain't no love like self-love and it's the safest sex you'll ever have. Unless you're giving yourself carpal tunnel or experiencing painful chafing, just go with the flow, if ya know what I mean. And I know you do!

To re-cap, what did we learn today, kids?

Musterbating = bad!
Masterbating = good!

Class dismissed!

Chastity belt.

Masturbation leads to pleasure. Pleasure leads to repetition. Repetition leads to chafing. Chafing leads to... suffering!

Uh, I think that's what you were getting at. Get some astroglide.

Look, a picture of Paris Hilton!